she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
now i know why i became what i already was.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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