You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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