your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
