just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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