I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
