I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
