Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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