I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
this just has baby written all over it
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
