Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
