I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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