a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
