Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
