yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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