I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
