I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
