fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
