Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
