Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
