Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
