Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
