I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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