look no pants
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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