If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
