Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
this just has baby written all over it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
