Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
