My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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