can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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