i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He better not be in your backpack
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
