I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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