hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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