He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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