what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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