Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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