Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
