sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
