Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
