we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
