Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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