I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
