I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
