we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
