people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
