did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
