i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
