i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
