Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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