i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
