I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
