i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
