i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
